Depression is something that enters quietly, grabs hold, and changes the way we live our lives. A dark cloud of grief and obscurity settles in abducting all our joys and life seems to have lost its meaning. When it comes to divorce and loss of your partner, depression comes in the form of painful crisis. Divorce brings in many feelings like grief, rejection, anger, hatred, pain, feeling of being ditched, loneliness and above all a broken heart which can destabilize you completely. There exists nothing that can quickly take your pain away, so one has to work through to come out of this pain and bring about the real healing.
Divorce Rising or Declining
It’s no more a news you hear rarely, divorce cases have puffed up and so have their probable causes. But do you know the truth? There exists hardly any statistical data showing whether divorce rates are increasing or decreasing. Hence, for such records, we have to rely on the polls rather than actual accurate data. As far as western countries are concerned, maximum cases of divorce have been reported. What is surprising is that Asian countries too have come under its grip and as per the recent poll data the trend is on the rising front.
Know the Probable Causes That Can Part Two Lives/ Lead to Divorce
Going through divorce, certainly, is a very painful and destabilizing time for everybody concerned. This heartbreaking departure happens when one or both partners have lost the “Will” to save their marriage. Before coming to the point of coping with divorce depression, we must know the probable causes of divorce.
Lack of Commitment – The Broken Bond
Surveys have revealed lack of commitment as the prime reason for a bad marriage resulting ultimately into divorce. If partners are not committed to each other or one of them is not sincere, it can lead to marital distress, conflicts and negative feelings about one partner who doesn’t seem to fit in the model of a better half anymore. Moreover, it brings the feeling of physical, sexual and emotional abuse in a relation.
Substance Abuse and Cruelty May Hamper the Emotional Closeness
Substance abuse and cruelty are also considered as the major reasons of divorce today. Furthermore, they may hamper the emotional closeness of the couple. Partner may feel sick of the addictions and substance abuse like excessive drinking, smoking, gambling that may give rise to physical and emotional violence. Substance abuse is initially taken as a compromise, by one of the partners but can bring serious conflicts later on, which can make the other feel like victim of a bad marriage, depression, isolation and finally thoughts of getting apart.
Poor Communication Can Make Both Feel Isolated
Husband and wife are complementary to each other and there is a natural expectation of sharing a good time and things they feel for each other. However, couples who remain away for long or get little time to share their feelings and understand each other due to their busy schedule can have communication problems. If not the busy schedule, often, couples find themselves in a bond without any skills to communicate with each other as it should be. Such couples bottle the things up rather than talking about their troubles and repent later when it’s just too late. In both cases, couples find themselves left in solitude and depression that brings the thoughts of staying alone rather than feeling alone even after having a partner.
Feeling of Discontent Due to Financial Problems
Who doesn’t want a contented life especially in terms of finance? Responsibilities increase when a couple enters into a married life. If financial crisis exists, then both the partners attempt hard to resolve and adjust according to the situation. But unfortunately, if this problem persists for long, it may create an unsatisfied environment full of conflicts and unfulfilled culpability. It becomes tiresome for both of the partners to deal with the situations. Surveys have disclosed prolonged financial crisis as one of the major reason of divorce no matter how loving and adjusting the couple is.
Sudden Change in Priorities Can Lead to Insecurity
If the priorities of a partner change all of a sudden, it may create a chaos in the life of the other. And if the couple is unable to cope with this new situation, their marriage has a high chance of resulting in a divorce. Men may get a desire to earn more and get oriented more towards their career after marriage. Reason behind this may be the increased responsibilities. On the other hand, with increased women wages in last few years, more women have started working rather than staying at home. This may cause their spouses to feel vulnerable and to some extent insecure. For whatever the reason, priorities have changed today and this has become one of the key factors.
Infidelity – A Tremor to Faith
Often, it is hard for couples to reconcile after there has been infidelity in their marriage. Infidelity not only breaks one’s heart and kills the soul but also brings chronic depression out of rejection into one’s life. Still, it depends upon the degree of attachment, perception and importance of relation between the two partners. One may tolerate the wear and tear of the affective and emotional realm of the marriage after betrayal and loss of love, whereas other may find infidelity as an unforgivable breach in the marital contract. However, infidelity has been perceived as the main provocation that leads to a marriage breakdown.
Cohabiting – No Meaning of Marriage
Although more of a trend of western culture, cohabiting has crept into Asian countries as well. Recent surveys and statistics say that cohabiting before entering into a marital relationship has also appeared as a leading factor for troubled marriage and finally divorce. Cohabiting creates a strong pressure for cohabiting couples to marry before they are actually ready to. Moreover, it has been realized that cohabiting couples enter into a marriage relationship less seriously, thus making less effort to make it a success.
Digest This Fact Now
Findings of the various surveys have disclosed a stunning yet important generalization that mid-twenties may be declared as the “peak marriage age” for both males and females. Couples who get married between the ages of 23-27 enjoy more successful marriages and have less probability to get divorced than those who marry in their teenage. Moreover, these couples are much more likely to be in happy marriages than people who get married in their late twenties or later.
Dealing With Depression after Divorce
Well, after facing the loss, it is time to work on your personal growth, to learn from your mistakes, and stabilize your life. The reality of a broken life and dreams is hard to bear but you need not fall to pieces after this shock. You must learn to grieve and grow to let yourself heal with time because life is much more than a mere broken relation. So, here are some tips which can help you in your time of need.
Accept That You are Divorced Now
Nobody enjoys being alone after a divorce. It is a painful and unfortunate experience for everybody who faces it. Accept this reality and do everything that can make your life best without HIM/HER. Do the things you wanted to do long back. The reality will be with you now and you have to bear it. So, why not with a smile? Don’t let the life treat you but learn how to treat the life.
Make a Diary of Your Grief and Feelings
Yes! This is a proven technique to release all your pain and frustration in words. Do it whenever you feel depressed or hurt by some old memory of your ex. Pen down all your feelings and grief. You will definitely find yourself on a lighter side.
Start a Job Hunt
If financial problem was one of the reasons of your troubled marriage, then start hunting a job. Take help of your friends and known. Even if this was not the reason, do it for yourself and your independence and stability. Job not only will keep you busy but will also give you a feeling of strength and a chance to interact with new people and make new friends.
Accept the Challenge
Convince yourself that you are strong enough to face all challenges in life no matter how big they are. Life treats everybody with a new challenge everyday and you are no different. Take challenges as opportunities not problems. Encourage yourself and come out of the dependency and support of your ex that you had earlier. Have faith in your talents and skills and explore them now.
Don’t Ignore Other Relationships
Out of gloom, you should not ignore other relationships after the divorce because being in touch with the people who care for you will help you to overcome this pain and depression. Remember, this depression is temporary, and eventually, you will find your life back on track. Don’t think of using your relationship with other people to forget about your divorce, but learn how to value and rejoice every aspect of your life, so that you can remind yourself that you are loved and appreciated. Soon, you will feel a balance in your life.Well, there is no way to kick off the pain of loss of lover in one day. Just take your own time and keep trying to find ways, hopes and strength. Losses are there in life to make you strong and spirited. Just TRY and you CAN explore, you CAN discover new blessings, affection, new treasures and even a NEW YOU in you. Just believe in yourself.